Let me tell you about my biggest insecurity.

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The reason I don't think I want to have a relationship is because I am affraid of loving and not being loved back. Somehow, all the experiences with men made me think there's something wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. None of them loved me and with one I've been in a relationship for 4 years in which I didn't even feel appreciated. 
 
And it's not that I feel broken, or that I don't love myself, but it's clear that what I am is not something men get to love. 
 
I don't want to hope that someday, someone will love me, because hoping hurts. So I am okay with the idea that nobody's ever going to love me. This way I don't have to deal with moments in which I would feel sad that it might never come true.  
 
Past experiences taught me that I'm unlovable and so this is why I'm affraid of getting my hopes up and be disappointed again by the fact that I'm starting a relationship and end it in the same way: "I never loved you, you know?"

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